"Pitch-Black Furnace of a Closet"

I wish I could have written this myself, but I don't have power.

The Five Stages of Life without Power

Hurry Up. Take Your Time.

It has been way too long since I have blogged.  I have been enjoying a family vacation (with the addition of a few friends!).   To sum up my experience, I have decided to share some Dos and Don’ts of Key West, Florida.

Do…

…Wear matching t-shirts.  Key West is the perfect place to fly your freak flag.  People may question why three or eleven of you are wearing matching shirts, but it’s only because they want to join in the fun.  I would recommend walking down Duval Street and causing a ruckus in the shirts.

…Eat!  Key West has some of the most amazing food I have ever eaten.  I would recommend the Lobster Gnocci at the Roof Top Café and the Shrimp and Grits at Blue Heaven.   You might gain five pounds after eating either of these dishes, but it is worth it.

…Go snorkeling at Fort Zachary Taylor Park, but don’t expect to see any fish.

…Randomly invite friends to join you.  You never know when someone might decide to buy a plane ticket.  I told one of my best friends Jenna, that I was in Key West on Monday afternoon.   She arrived at noon on Tuesday.  By 1:30 we were having a drink at Camille’s.  Excellent.

…Impersonate the street performers at Mallory Square.  A well-placed Cat Man impression or an attempt to scare Bush Man is sure to get some laughs.

Don’t…

…Accept jello shots from an attractive waitress.  Chances are, she may want to give you more than a jello shot (for a small fee of course).

…Forget to buckle up the baby in his stroller.  You never know when someone’s pool chlorine may explode.  You may need to make a quick exit from an outdoor restaurant to escape poisonous chlorine gas.  Apparently, it’s not good for you.

…Count calories.  You will be over your daily limit after one breakfast.  Lobster benedict anyone?

…Go to the rest room at Irish Kevin’s.   As soon as you stand up, you become a target.  The live musician there has a whole arsenal of comments to make as you walk by.  If you’re female and over thirty, you’re likely to hear cougar noises coming from his mike as you make your way to the restroom.

…Go to Willie Ts if you’re not a fan of angry girl music.  If you like Alanis Morissette, Janis Joplin, and Melissa Etheridge, this is the place for you!  If you request enough songs, you may get a nickname from the lead singer.  If she refers to you as “Richmond”, she may even give you two sparkly picks she made.

…Stress out.  Key West is a hilarious place full of wonderful people and it somehow manages to bring out the laid back fun in everyone.   I feel lucky that I have gotten to enjoy it with my wonderful family and two of my best friends.

Fiona and the Werecat

Another post about my recent googles.  Honestly, it is the best way to recap what I have been thinking about....

Werepanther
I feel like I have mentioned True Blood way too many times already.  For all that do not watch it, it is not a good show.  It's inappropriate and the acting is pretty awful.  However, the show sucks (no pun intended) you in because it makes you wonder what kind of supernatural creature each new character will turn out to be.  Crystal is a werepanther.  Did the author of the Sookie Stackhouse novels just start to make creatures up when she ran out of weird things?  Apparently not.  Werecat myths originally began in India, but are still around today.  Some South American countries believe that werejaguars are working for the government as assassins (no, I am not kidding).  Most importantly, the villain in She-Ra, aka Catra, was a werepanther - I should have remembered that!

Dry Eye
We have an English Bulldog named Fiona.  One of the first questions people ask when they see her is, "I hear bulldogs have a lot of health issues - is that true?".  No used to be my answer.  Come to find out, Fiona has a condition called dry eye.  Basically, she does not produce enough tears, so we have to give her eye drops daily to compensate.  On top of the dry eye, she has now developed some hot spots.  These are the medications Fiona has had today: Prednisone (for itching), Antibiotics (in case her hot spots are caused by an infection), and Propylene Glycol (for her eyes).  So, yes bulldogs have health issues.  It's just a matter of time before something shows up.  Luckily, their goofy personalities make up for it.

When do you stop burping a baby?
Baby Ethan is a professional sitter upper.  Since that started happening, he seems to be burping all by himself.  It is weird that I experience pride over things like sitting and burping.  I googled because I didn't want to neglect my little guy by not burping him anymore.  I got the very specific answer of between four and nine months.  I guess I'll just keep burping him for now - anything to keep him seeming more like a baby.  He is growing up too fast!

Toto, we're not in high school anymore.

Two months ago, I would have considered myself an athletic person.  I'm not sure why - I've never really been someone who goes to the gym.  Honestly, my athletic assessment of myself comes from high school (nine years ago) when I played sports, like 99 percent of the people I know.  Well, I'm not in high school anymore!

My husband, Ethan, and I signed up for a kickball league.  I was a little nervous having given birth four and a half months prior to the league starting.  I figured I would stand out in the field and drink a Nattie...nope.  Little did I know that we would actually be sprinting around a field and have balls kicked at us by a bunch of in-shape guys.  After our first game, I woke up the next morning and dreaded every time I had to take a trip up and down the stairs because my muscles were so sore from running.

I was excited about our second game, but was still a little sore.  It was a good kind of sore that made me feel like I was in shape (I tried not remember that I was sore from sprinting to first base once).  Our team, Sick Burn, was up to kick first.  I was up second and getting pumped to kick the ball as hard as I could.  As the pitcher rolled the ball to me, I remember thinking, "I am going to nail this one".  I don't even remember how far I kicked it because I was blinded by pain.  I took off sprinting to first base and only made it two strides before I turned around limping back to my team.  As I hobbled back, Sick Burn was looking at me and yelling, "Run to first!".  Yeah right.  I couldn't even put weight on my right leg.  It was on fire.  As it turned out, I had a really bad pulled muscle.  I sat on the sideline the rest of the game.  Brian, first up to kick, sat with me for part of the game because he also pulled his leg while kicking the ball and running to first.

To make a long story short, I gimped around for three weeks with an ace bandage on my leg (which looked really good peaking out from under my dress at a baby shower I went to).  Two weeks ago, right as my leg was actually healed, Ethan tore his quad playing kickball.  He is now gimping around the house with an ace bandage looking very black and blue.  Unfortunately, he does not have much time to heal because we just started playing in a social dodge ball league.  I got nailed in the face at our first game.

Note to self: just because you were in shape and athletic in high school does not mean you are in shape and athletic a decade later.