Baby Illness Amateur

I have been very lucky over the past eight months.  We haven't had any sick visits to the doctor.  Unfortunately, he has been in such good health that I have no idea about visits to the pediatrician's office.

Over the weekend, the contents of Little Ethan's diapers were not his norm (I won't get more detailed than that).  I made him a pediatrician appointment for 8:50 on Monday morning.

We arrived at the doctor's office.  Little Ethan looked super cute (wearing a light blue shirt and blue and white check shorts) and I looked bizarre (wet hair, no make-up, and a tight shirt I shouldn't be wearing post-baby).  I walked up to the receptionist, checked us in, and we made our way to the sick waiting room.

I sat with Little Ethan on my lap and thought about how bizarre it was that I was old enough to be sitting there as the parent instead of the child.  I stopped seeing my pediatrician about six years ago.  We shared the sick waiting room with an eleven month old girl (smaller than Little Ethan).  They entertained themselves by grunting back and forth at each other.

"Ethan Wirt" was called and the nurse guided us back to a little room.  As the nurse left the room to get her supplies, she instructed me to take off his outfit and sit him on the table so she could take his temperature and weigh him.  I stripped him down to his diaper and waited for the nurse to return.  She did and explained again that she needed to take his temperature.  I said, "ok" and waited for her to take his temperature.  After a few seconds, she said, "You need to take his diaper off".  I guess the Vaseline on the thermometer should have tipped me off.

He had a low grade fever, 100 degrees, and weighed in at 21 pounds, 3 ounces!  After a bit, the doctor came in and checked his ears...I mean attempted to check his ears.  Apparently, she couldn't see much because of all the ear wax (ewww).  I immediately got nervous because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be cleaning his ears....I hadn't in eight months.  Luckily, the doctor told me that I wasn't supposed to (visit from social services avoided!).

The verdict was in - an ear infection in the left ear!  She wasn't our normal doctor and was surprised that this was his first sick visit.  I'm surprised she didn't already know because of all my awkward questions about medicine and ear infections.  I also commented that I should take a picture of the two of him to commemorate his first ear infection.  She wasn't amused.  She told me to give him Amoxicillin twice a day and left the room.

I had to ask a nurse how to get back out to the main waiting room (the place is a maze).  I went to receptionist to ask for a prescription and check out.  They told me I didn't need to check out and that the prescription had already been sent to the pharmacist.  Oops.

I then had an miscommunication with the pharmacist when she told me the Amoxicillin needed to be mixed.  I said, "Ok, I'll mix it with his food".  She then said that she meant she had to mix it in the back before she gave it to me.

I was happy to get home and get the pink stuff in his mouth.  He seems to be feeling much better today.

Sorry for the long post, but I am sure I will look back at this and laugh at what a novice I was.  Something tells me this is the first of many sick visits!

Zombie Fish

For some reason, I don't have a whole lot to write about lately.  If I had to guess, I would say it's because Little Ethan is teething (and not very happy about it).  However, it seems as though he has won the teething battle (until the next two teeth) and is starting to act more like himself.  Because I like blogging and don't want to get out of the habit, here is another post about recent googles:

Trumpette
There is a lot that you can do wrong when it comes to parenting.  One of my largest mistakes thus far is shoes.  I confess - I have a barefoot baby and have never made him wear shoes. Little Ethan considers shoes to be another teether.  I put the shoe on his foot and then he takes it off and puts it in his mouth.  After two days of the put it on, take it off, chew on it battle, I had a weak moment and googled "Trumpette".  Trumpette is a brand that makes socks that look like shoes.  He wore these when he was an infant because it's hard to find shoes small enough.

I then realized that I was compromising with an 8 month old (talk about a parenting mistake!).  Since the google, my little man has been wearing shoes, whether he likes it or not.  Soon it will be winter and he'll start trying to walk.  He will thank me later.

456 Fish
A few days ago, I escaped. My mom and I went to visit my brother, Christian, for his birthday. We wanted to eat some seafood and celebrate. This is what I learned:
Do not confuse 456 Fish with 1 Fish 2 Fish. 456 Fish accidentally serves you sushi (raw scallops)...yuck. 1 Fish 2 Fish has amazing food and service. Try not to confuse either of these with Red Fish Blue Fish, which is located in Key West. Confusing enough for you?

Zombie Baltimore
One of my best friends in the world, Jenna, lives in Baltimore.  I would first like to take this time to say that she is a much better friend than I am and comes to Richmond (or wherever else I may be) way more than I go to Baltimore.  That said, Baltimore is awesome.  Recently, Jenna gave me another reason to come to Baltimore.  Apparently there is a 5K obstacle course called "Run for your Lives".  Basically, you're running from zombies.  Here are some of the guidelines from http://runforyourlives.com/:

• Before the race, you will be given a flag belt, just like the overly intimidating game of flag football. These flags represent your health.
• The zombies want to take your flags and maybe eat your brains.
• If you lose all your health flags, you die. And the zombies win.
• Health bonuses will be hidden throughout the course. If you find one and carry it to the finish, it will save your life.

This may be the most awesome thing I've ever heard of.   I wish I were more in shape so I could partake.  They would definitely eat my brains.

Hope everyone has a zombie-free day!

A Formula for Mishaps

Sometimes I feel like my life has become a series of mishaps.  I guess I asked for it with the entourage I currently hang with - Blue and Fiona (two insane "used" dogs), Noel (in cancer remission), and Little Ethan (proud owner of two new teeth).  I have to find the humor in the mishaps so I don't go insane.  Here is a recap of my last 24 hours.

After finding that Blue had gotten his head stuck in the kitty door and then ripped it out of the wall, I needed a break.

I left Big Ethan with the baby and tried to find some alone time on the back porch.  Unfortunately, Little Ethan did not think this was the best idea, so he repeatedly walked into the door to try and get to me.

I was extremely happy when I finally fell asleep and dreamt that I was back in college (in the dream my only worry was what drinking establishment I was going to attend that evening).  Unfortunately, I woke up to a baby crying and the mayhem started again.  I asked Big Ethan if he wanted to get the baby or the bottle.  His reply was, "Can't I get a break at some point?".  I wanted to slap him, but resisted the urge and went downstairs for a bottle.

The beginning of the morning was typical - bottle, baby food, Today Show, walk, nap.  I put Little Ethan down in his crib and headed for the shower (this is the best time to shower because you can't hear the crying).

I walked out of the shower and noticed that neither of the dogs came up to try and lick me (like they usually do as soon as I get out...gross).  That's when I heard strange noises coming from my office.  I threw on my bathrobe to go check out the situation.  Fiona and Blue had gone into my purse (aka diaper bag) and taken out the Little Ethan's formula.  They then opened the formula and ate it all.  They looked like guilty cocaine addicts.

Fiona is now napping and Blue is still looking for food.  What will the rest of the day bring?

The Llama Factor

One of the most interesting things about writing a blog is looking at your statistics.  For example, I know that my number one source for page views (aka when some one clicks on a page) is Facebook.  I also know that "True Mud" is my most popular post.  My stats also tell me that six people in France and three people in Hong Kong have viewed my blog. 
A lot of people aren't reading my blog because they are interested in my life or because they find my writing entertaining.  I was curious after looking at what google searches brought people to my blog:

They are looking for the llama.  Traffic to my blog has steadily increased since I wrote "The Straw that Broke the Llamas Back".  Apparently when you google image "happy llama", my blog is the second image that comes up.

I would like to thank Llamas for the PR.  I certainly deserve it after what I've been through with their kind.  In conclusion - thank you for reading my blog, even if you're only doing it for the llama.



How to Spoil a Baby.

Today, Little Ethan and I have been doing battle.  He's winning.

Today started at 5:30 AM, which is very early when your child typically gets up at 6:30 or 7:00.  I pretended like I didn't hear him for 15 minutes and then Big Ethan and I got up.  I got the bottle and he changed the diaper.  Big Ethan must have known what I was in for because he immediately left for work.  After a walk, Little Ethan went down for a brief nap and was up again by 9:00 AM.  At that point, I made the mistake of going to Target. 

Missoni launched their Target line today and the place was filled with unusually well-dressed people scrounging for knit dresses.  For some reason, I thought I could join in on the fun.  See picture below and note the baby in the background:

What a cute grimace!  That was the most well behaved he was during the whole shopping adventure. 

After being distracted by Missoni, I took a few laps around Target, trying to get everything on my list (everything takes you twenty times longer with a crying baby in your cart).    Little Ethan wasn't just crying - I'm pretty sure he was determined to make me look like an inept mother.  He has been sitting up for two months and sitting in a cart for a little longer than that, but today he may as well have been a rag doll.  Every time I took a turn, he flopped to one side of the cart and started crying.  One woman even came up to me and asked if he was learning how to sit. 

About 45 minutes in, I headed to the toy section out of desperation.  I added a new toy to the cart in an effort to distract him (aka bribe him to be good).  To make a long story about a terrible day short, the toy has not helped.  He is now sitting on the floor playing with his new toy while he grunts at me.

I would like to use this post to officially concede.  Little Ethan, you win.  I will do whatever you want to make the crying stop.

Nattastic Post!

At this point, it should be no shock that I am fan of the random. When I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. to a baby crying, for some reason I started thinking about how funny the verbiage at the bottom of a Groupon email is. For example, one of the latest email reads, "Without gutters, houses would become overrun with rainwater, and games of roof bowling would involve endless ladder climbing. Stay on top of your home's maintenance with today's Groupon to First Choice Quality Services."

My mind then wandered to other random funny things that make my day. Sadly, a lot of them revolve around fast food and beer.

• Thirst Begone! Thanks, McDonald's.

• Even though Arby's has insanely high prices (unless you live outside of Richmond where Arby's is ghetto and gross), it does have witty sayings on every product they hand you.

• One of the many reasons that I love Natural Light (aka Natty) is because of Nattyisms. Each Natty box has a Nattyism. Here are a few of my favorite examples:
• Naturnal Instinct: A person's instincts to love and protect Natty Light
• Natastrophe: The unfortunate loss or destruction of one's Natty Light
• Natio Furniture: The use of a cooler of Natty Light as a chair or table
• And many more! (Natcula, Natistics, Natalyst, Natmare, etc.)

Too bad it's only 9:40 in the morning. This entry is really making me want a burger and a beer. Hope everyone has a nice day and takes the time to appreciate the random! I will leave you with this thought from Groupon: "Like the Rubik’s cube, swing-dance-revival revivals, and the swimsuit portion of the presidential debates, celebrity news can provide hours of entertainment for average Americans. Keep up with Hollywood's finest with today's Groupon: for $30, you get 52 issues of Us..."

Got Milk?

Ever since Little Ethan (trying to transition from calling him Baby Ethan to Little Ethan so he doesn't get a complex) was born, he had an immediate friend. Noel was right by my side as soon as we walked in our side door. As I have mentioned before, Noel is not a normal cat. Today as I was feeding baby Ethan on my lap (while Noel sat on his lap), I pondered the relationship between cats and babies. Here are the top ten reasons I came up with for why cats love babies:

1.  They have things in common - like cute feet.

2.  Babies are warm and cats like to be warm (which is why Noel gets locked out of the room when Little Ethan sleeps)

3.  Another reason Noel gets locked out of Little Ethan's room - Cribs make an excellent hiding place when you live with two dogs who like to chase and lick you.

4.  The toys that you hang from the top of the car seat are essentially expensive cat toys.

5.  Babies don't bark (much).

6.  If you've had or been around babies, you know that their nails grow at alarmingly fast rate.  The longer the nails, the better to scratch the cat with.

7.  Cat cries and baby noises are not that dissimilar.  Maybe they speak the same language.  If cats could translate, there would be a lot less frustration for new parents wondering why their baby is crying.

8.  All baby swings, seats, etc. are cat-sized. I have no doubt that Noel is thankful we got all the new "cat furniture" for her.

9.  Cats like to sleep during the day and hang out during the night. So do newborn babies. Noel must have been happy when we became nocturnal too.

10.  Milk.  Enough said.